by Grandma Jeddah
By: Grandma Jeddah
We can all probably spurt out a list of mistakes our parents made with us when we were young. For some reason, faults are often more memorable and vivid than the numerous sacrifices our parents made for us.
Even though as parents we will make mistakes now and then when raising our children, it’s helpful to know which mistakes we should try to avoid when trying to raise them up to be good Muslims. Here are 5 discipline mistakes to avoid when directing your child toward proper behavior.
- Getting enraged when disciplining.
The second problem with expressing anger when correcting your child is that it provides the opportunity to be excessive when punishing. This can lead to abusing your child. Often times when a parent is angry, she vents the anger onto her child. She does this by using hurtful words or by correcting with excessive and harsh smacking. To effectively discipline your child, try your best to avoid correcting them when angry.
According to hadith, The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi WaSalaam) has said: Whoso suppresses his rage, while he has the power to show himself, Allah will call on him on the day of resurrection before all creation, and reward him exceedingly. (Tirmidhi)
- Comparing Children
The problem with comparing your children is that rather than causing the child to want to comply, it makes him resentful of the other child and you. Sibling rivalry is common between children. There are many factors which contribute to such quarrelsome behavior. Comparing children to one another can accelerate disagreements between siblings, which only contributes to additional discipline problems in the household.
Instead of comparing children, a better method would be to reward and complement the child when he performs as desired. This is more likely to cause the child to repeat the desirable behavior.
- Do as I say not as I do.
Of course no parent is flawless. And this is OK. In fact, periods of failure can be a learning experience for your child. Let your child see you take responsibility for your errors—apologize to others in your family when you know you’ve treated them improperly. This will give your child an example of the proper way to correct his mistakes with family and friends.
- Not respecting your child
But not only should children be obedient and kind to their parents, . . parents should also be kind to their children. The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alaihi WaSalaam) has said: ”He is not of us who does not have mercy on young children, nor honor the elderly.” (Tirmidhi)
When interacting with our children and even when correcting them, we should remember to be gentle and kind with them. People are more inclined to pleasing those they have a positive relationship with. Speaking in a calm, respectful tone to your child does not convey a sign of weakness. To the contrary, it let’s them know that you are indeed in control—not only of the situation but also your emotions.
- Expecting perfection
Patience should be our motto when disciplining our children. This will help us accept those disappointing times when our children don’t live up to our expectations. It will also help us become a more superior parent to help us avoid the 5 common discipline mistakes parents make.